A couple of days ago, a good friend of mine and I were out and about, lounging lazily on a windy pier in Fairhope, Alabama. We were talking about our siblings and our childhood and he was running his hands along his toned, fit stomach when he said to his upwards of 170 pound friend, "Skinny equals fun."
This comment hit me like a ton of bricks and I'm pretty sure I looked just as dumbfounded as I felt. I couldn't believe that someone so close to me would say something so insensitive, so clearly wrong, so casually to someone so clearly NOT skinny. After the initial shock of how quickly the conversation had turned from 4-year-old versions of ourselves shoving crayons up our noses to the serious topic of body image, I realized I didn't feel angry... but sad. I wasn't sad for myself; I was sad for him. His "skinny equals fun" comment wasn't intended as a malicious snipe at my body. It was a self-inflicted jab at his own physique.
I asked him what he meant. He went on to tell me about how growing up his family used to tease him about his weight, gave him a nickname based off of his chubbier body type that they still use to this day, and that eventually it had instilled in him a great deal of self-conciousness. He told me that he used to read magazines and watch movies that portrayed all these "skinny" people having a good time, doing cool things, looking glamorous.
It's highly unfortunate how much pressure is put on both women AND men by the media to look a very particular way. Women need to be "tight" and "thin" but also need big boobs and a butt. Men need to be "ripped" but "fit" (read as: washboard abs) and be strong enough to do like a bazillion push-ups. Not only are the standards of beauty set so high above average, but it seems nowadays that even after you've achieved this untouchable level of beauty that only celebrities or supermodels can reach, you still come under fire on social media outlets. "She must have had plastic surgery!", "His weight loss just accentuated his crooked nose!", etc., etc., and on and on it goes.
It's not just the media that's pushing this idea of a better, thinner you. When I was in high school, I struggled with an eating disorder. I was convinced that if I was skinnier, I would be happier (much like my high school aged friend thinks now). I didn't eat during the week, wouldn't bring lunch to school, and if I ate anything at dinner it was small portions of vegetables which I promptly vomited out of my system 10 minutes later. I went from 160 pounds to 135 over the course of a few months. People praised me like you wouldn't believe. My parents, my classmates, one of my teachers even pulled me aside after class to tell me how great I looked and how proud of me she was.
And man, that kind of attention and praise amazing. I ate less than ever! I hadn't had a french fry in 4 months. I didn't even know what chocolate or cheeseburgers tasted like anymore. I was "happy" but I was miserable. I had to watch myself like a hawk. There were times when I would cry over the toilet bowl because I just did not want to throw up again but I knew that if I let that donut I'd just eaten be digested, my whole system would be ruined.
Luckily, I broke myself of this cycle after I graduated. It was partly on accident since I went through a terrible break-up during which I drowned my sorrows in hearty meals of McDonalds at 11pm. Regardless the method, I gained all the weight back and then some. It's been three years since then and every now and then I still struggle with being positive about my body. I just have to remind myself that my self-worth is not tied to a number on a scale, big or small.
It's impossible to please everyone with the way you look. There will always be someone who thinks you're too fat or too skinny or they won't like the way you fix your hair or the way you do your makeup. You have to realize that the only person you need to please is yourself. If you don't like the way you look, change it. But don't change yourself because some reporter on E! News or some troll on Twitter or a naive classmate thinks that you'd look better if you were 10 pounds lighter/heavier or wore different clothes.
You are beautiful but it's not your weight that makes you that way. It's your confidence and your positivity and your uniqueness (as cliche as that sounds).
I love you. <3
-
If you have an eating disorder, you're not alone. You can message me on any platform if you ever need someone to talk to. You can also visit NEDA to get more information.
It's highly unfortunate how much pressure is put on both women AND men by the media to look a very particular way. Women need to be "tight" and "thin" but also need big boobs and a butt. Men need to be "ripped" but "fit" (read as: washboard abs) and be strong enough to do like a bazillion push-ups. Not only are the standards of beauty set so high above average, but it seems nowadays that even after you've achieved this untouchable level of beauty that only celebrities or supermodels can reach, you still come under fire on social media outlets. "She must have had plastic surgery!", "His weight loss just accentuated his crooked nose!", etc., etc., and on and on it goes.
It's not just the media that's pushing this idea of a better, thinner you. When I was in high school, I struggled with an eating disorder. I was convinced that if I was skinnier, I would be happier (much like my high school aged friend thinks now). I didn't eat during the week, wouldn't bring lunch to school, and if I ate anything at dinner it was small portions of vegetables which I promptly vomited out of my system 10 minutes later. I went from 160 pounds to 135 over the course of a few months. People praised me like you wouldn't believe. My parents, my classmates, one of my teachers even pulled me aside after class to tell me how great I looked and how proud of me she was.
And man, that kind of attention and praise amazing. I ate less than ever! I hadn't had a french fry in 4 months. I didn't even know what chocolate or cheeseburgers tasted like anymore. I was "happy" but I was miserable. I had to watch myself like a hawk. There were times when I would cry over the toilet bowl because I just did not want to throw up again but I knew that if I let that donut I'd just eaten be digested, my whole system would be ruined.
Luckily, I broke myself of this cycle after I graduated. It was partly on accident since I went through a terrible break-up during which I drowned my sorrows in hearty meals of McDonalds at 11pm. Regardless the method, I gained all the weight back and then some. It's been three years since then and every now and then I still struggle with being positive about my body. I just have to remind myself that my self-worth is not tied to a number on a scale, big or small.
It's impossible to please everyone with the way you look. There will always be someone who thinks you're too fat or too skinny or they won't like the way you fix your hair or the way you do your makeup. You have to realize that the only person you need to please is yourself. If you don't like the way you look, change it. But don't change yourself because some reporter on E! News or some troll on Twitter or a naive classmate thinks that you'd look better if you were 10 pounds lighter/heavier or wore different clothes.
You are beautiful but it's not your weight that makes you that way. It's your confidence and your positivity and your uniqueness (as cliche as that sounds).
I love you. <3
-
If you have an eating disorder, you're not alone. You can message me on any platform if you ever need someone to talk to. You can also visit NEDA to get more information.
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